Emotional Rollercoasters, Internalized Beliefs, and Breaking Free

Exploring the relationship between our thoughts and emotions, and how understanding that can set us free to “fly”

Hi beautiful being,

“We are constantly telling a story about ourselves, others, and reality in our heads. Why not make it a good one?”

While I’ve spoken these words hundreds, if not thousands, of times to yoga students, clients, friends, and family over the years—I feel like I’m just now fully understanding how massively important this is. You see, when I look back at the worst moments and seasons in my life, there’s one thing they all share in common. In each and every one of these circumstances:

The story I was narrating about myself, others, and reality, was the source of my sufferings. The often-subconscious tale I told myself was—in truth—the wellspring of my sorrows, the origin of my fears., and the root of my unloving behaviors.

Friend, you know how we tend to categorize ourselves as a feeler, or a thinker, or a doer? That’s fake news! I’m not saying we don’t have innate biases regarding those, because we do. I’m definitely predisposed to be in my head, and disconnected from my emotions—especially the “negative” ones. What I am saying is, your thoughts/beliefs, emotions, and actions are not distinctly separate entities. They are intimately connected and interdependent.

Earlier today, for instance, I felt unusually anxious, sad, fragile, and “off”. Which, led me to want to just curl up in a ball in bed. So, I asked myself: Why? Not why as in, what where the circumstances that triggered these. Although, naturally I had to start with them to get to the root cause. But, why as in, what is the core thought/belief underlying and generating my inner turmoil. It turns out it’s an old friend. The story that I have to be perfect, to be good, valued, and accepted.

The most powerful words “spoken” to us, are the ones we tell ourselves. In taking a bit of time to reflect on the aforementioned darkest times in my life, I can see the beliefs and storylines producing them, were things like:

There’s not enough to go around.

I’m not a good person.

Love is scarce.

I’m selfish.

Life is a competition.

I’m broken.

Life is brutal.

I’m unloved and unlovable.

What narratives like these have affected you, whether they were “loud and proud” or lurking beneath the surface?

One of my favorite aspects of yoga, is that it invites you to study yourself like you are a sacred text. It does so with all seriousness because—spoiler alert—you, are sacred! The beauty of adopting this mentality is, it helps you step away from your thoughts, beliefs, emotions, words, and deeds, to view them from a distance.

Curiosity and grace, in my mind, are two essential elements of this disposition. This morning, at the height of my funk, I kept replaying a moment from a life coaching session I’d had earlier. My coach asked me, “what’s the difference between life coaching and soul care?” Even though I’m certified in both (albeit recently), I stumbled all over my response.

After more beating myself up more than I’d care to admit, I remembered to get curious and give myself some grace. Like a parent tending to a hurting child, I comforted myself, while also inquiring as to the origin of my pain. I tenderly drew out the truth—my old, you need to be perfect, storyline.

The secret to stopping my spiraling for long enough to do so, was embodiment. The thing is, if I hadn’t worked out, enjoyed a shower, and gone for a short walk to go to an ATM, I’d likely still be riding my mental merry-go-round. Richard Rohr really nails why this is true in observing:

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“Peace of mind is an oxymoron. When we’re in our mind, we’re hardly ever at peace; when we’re at peace, we’re never only in our mind.”

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The thing is, once they get going—our fearful, critical, and judgmental thoughts, tend to go on repeat, pick up steam, get louder, and drag us down. Inhabiting our bodies from the inside out, though, progressively grounds, centers, and calms us. Even when there’s a hurricane in our head.

From this space, and please bear in mind this was a multi-hour process, I was able to rewrite the storyline that had put me on an emotional roller-coaster. One of the beautiful parts about being human, is that we are simultaneously the actor and author of the narratives that direct our lives—even if we sometimes forget the latter part.

So, I took the old plotline that says—I have to be perfect, to be good, valued, and accepted—and turned it around. I rewrote it to remind myself: I am good, valued, and accepted, period. And, believe it or not; my feelings of anxiety, sadness, fragility, and off-ness, have melted away. Of course, writing about it to you all helped as well. :)

Beloved reader, before sending you off with a bit of a blessing/summary, I’d be remiss if I didn’t point something out. While I shared my journey back to freedom with you in a fairly linear fashion, it definitely was not. So please receive my four take-aways with that in mind. With that said …

Next time you and I find ourselves stuck on an emotional rollercoaster, or riding the downward spiral of an internalized belief, may we remember to

Be curious

Give grace

Feel embodied

Rewrite the story in your head

Friend, you are amazing! What stood out to you from this? Is there a story in your head you’d like to change? What will your new narrative be? This is the second in a series of “Let’s Talk About _____” posts. What topics would you like to explore here? I can’t wait to hear from you in the comments! And please “like” 🤍, and consider sharing/restacking this post if it spoke to you.

Hugs & Love,

Lang (aka “Dr. Love”)