Aligning with Love (Part 1): Self-Love

Self-love is choosing to care for yourself in ways that bless and brighten you from the inside out.

Oct 01, 2023

Hi Beautiful Beings!

For a good chunk of my life, I struggled with purpose. As in: Why am I here? What’s my purpose on the planet? What is life about? Is all of this merely a test to, hopefully, get into heaven? Does my time on earth matter in the here and now?

It’s important to note, it wasn’t so much that I was literally asking myself those questions. More, that these were angsty wonderings bubbling beneath the surface, so to speak. You see, in the way many of us are, I was born into a narrative. A storyline that told me “the point” was to believe correctly, so I could go to heaven.

For a long season I accepted this, and wasn’t unhappy. In retrospect, though, I can see how that version of me (let’s call him Lang 3.0) lived with a low-level feeling of inner anxiety, worry, depression, and fear. Lacking purpose in the here and now, led to a sense of purposelessness. Do you know what I mean?

Living without purpose, is like being a satellite that fell out of orbit and is helplessly/hopelessly hurtling through space—or plummeting toward the earth’s surface.

Before proceeding, allow me to briefly pause and point out: I do hope for—and believe in—an afterlife, which can’t help but inform and influence life on earth. With that in mind, let’s carry on …

While during that time—in a vital way—I was like a satellite racing aimlessly through the cosmos; because Goodness is forever wooing us, my eyes gradually opened to two central Truths Jesus taught and lived-out. First, that by repeatedly saying “the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand,” the Christ was letting us know that heaven is both here now, and later. Second, and most importantly; when Jesus named the Greatest Commandment (Matthew 22:36-40), he was also naming the point of life: Love.

Loving the Source and Creator of all things and others, as we love ourselves, is quite simply, why we’re here.

Whatever word/image one puts to “God” (aka the Origin, Glue, and Magic Behind and Within Reality), all I know is that the more I live into the Greatest Commandment, the more amazing everything becomes. In other words: Love is the nature of reality. So, the more we align with love, the more we thrive—individually and collectively.

With that in mind, I’m starting a series of posts on what it means to align with love. Today’s is on self-love, the most ignored and forgotten aspect of Jesus’ words. But first, what does “love” mean anyway? While it could be beneficial to riff on the complexities of how we use this word in English, reflect on some options, and such; I’ll just cut to the chase. For our purposes:

Love means aligning one’s thoughts, words, and deeds to foster flourishing. It seeks the common good, while seeing and honoring the inherent light in everyone.

Why is it important to do that for oneself? On a practical level, much like how our bodies require oxygen, our souls need love. Meaning, choosing to not love yourself, is akin to deciding not to breathe. Likewise, love is a flow. Blocking the flow in one place (like one’s self), ends up restricting the flow elsewhere—much like how kinking a hose, limits or prevents water from coming flowing through its spout.

(Honestly, this felt pretty great!)

This is why Jesus tells us to love God and others, “as yourself.” He recognized humanity is interconnected, interrelated, and interdependent—in both obvious and mysterious ways. We are communal creatures who rise or fall, heal or hurt, and flourish or fail, together. Because love only has one “volume knob”, loving oneself inevitably blesses and benefits others.

So, what does self-love look like? It begins by realizing:

Love is inherently unconditional.

True love is radical. It radically embraces the totality of a person, exactly as they are—quirks, shortcomings, gifts, wounds, and all. So, we start by stepping back, and choosing to love ourselves, precisely as we are. Fully. Completely. Deeply.

Joseph Campbell observed, “The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are.” Self-love, then, means honoring and living into this truth. At this point, you might be wondering: But what about my greed, fears, violent impulses, insecurities, judgments, and/or ______? Surely, I’m not to love those parts of me, right? That’s a great and valid point!

I’ve tried to change those aspects of myself a thousand times … and failed, a thousand times. Do you know what has, and continues to heal and transform them? Love with its radical acceptance. You see:

Love fully embraces a person exactly as they are, which doesn’t leave them the same. The light of love heals, nourishes, and changes us.

In my journey, I’ve struggled mightily to love both myself and others. Do you know what didn’t work? Trying harder. What did, and does, is realizing love isn’t something one does. It’s something done through us. Love is a force one taps into, and lets flow through them. Love is inherently unconditional. Why? Because doesn’t love a person because they are _____. The energy of Love, loves a person period. Always. End of story. Because that’s how good and generous it is. That’s simply what love does.

Awakening to, and living into this Truth, makes loving as natural and normal as breathing.

That said, love also takes intentionality. To love oneself well, you need to set aside time to take care of yourself. Establish regular routines, practices, and habits that nourish your mind, body, spirit, and heart. The key is to be committed and deliberate about daily doing things that brighten your being.

What this looks like varies by person, and by season. And, for instance, I begin basically everyday by reading a few things that lift me up, eating a healthy breakfast, moving my body, and spending some time in contemplation/meditation/prayer (they often end up blending together for me). What’s something tangible that you can, or already, do?

Light and Love with Lang

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