Which Voices Do We Listen To?

Inside, and outside of us, we hear criticism, comfort, judgment, understanding, shame, support, fear, love, and beyond. Which ones should we heed? The answer might surprise you …

Hello and welcome, treasured one—

Have you ever had something you were excited to share on social media, only for it to seemingly fall on deaf ears? Or belatedly realize you made a silly—or even embarrassing—grammatical error in a post? I know I have! What is more, things like that are the fuel that really gets my inner critic’s engines revving.

Just the other day, in my rush to post my last Substack on the socials; I contrasted “resume” living with eulogy living, by noting: “The former is success and me first centric, while the FORMER focuses on what matters most in life: Loving others well.” Doh! [All caps added for emphasis] It took nearly a day for me to realize my mistake, and that was only because a friend pointed it out to me in the comments. My inner critic was instantly off to the races, but he wasn’t alone. Here’s a sampling of the voices that welled up within me:

I can’t believe you made that mistake!

Everyone makes mistakes, and people know that.

You probably cost yourself a bunch of readers, while looking sloppy and dumb in the process.

It’s no big deal, people are kind and understanding, and knew what you meant.

This is why you need to ALWAYS double and triple check what you write, ding-dong!

Give yourself grace.

Isn’t it interesting how, while you and I are individuals, we have a diverse committee of “voices” inside of us? From inner critic, to comforter, to finger-pointer, to cheerleader, to shamer, to sympathizer—and beyond. There’s a lot going on in “little ole” you and I! Which leads me to wonder:

Which voice inside of us do you and I listen to? As in, what energy do we prioritize and follow?

I put it that way, because it’s important not to ignore, shove aside, or push down our negative thought bubbles and feelings. While also recognizing that giving them priority over the positive ones, will only drag us down. The key is recognizing my inner critic, blamer, and shamer have significant messages to share with me—and if I repress or send them away, they will only come back louder.

When I lean into what my critic, blamer, and shamer are trying to tell me. When I dig beneath my drive for perfection. When I explore my life to this point, hunting for the origin story of my quest for flawlessness, with a “side” of validation and approval from others. What I discover is:

The Lang of my childhood. The part of little me who felt alone and afraid in a big and chaotic world, so used perfection and approval to make things seem safe and ordered.

[I paused here to breathe a bit, acknowledge and smile at my kiddo self, and give him a hug, while letting him know he’s seen, valued, and safe. Feel free to do something similar.]

I must confess, writing that out—and then sitting with it for a good moment—was really powerful for me. I can still feel tingling bubbles of healing inside me. I hope it helps illustrate why it’s important not to ignore your negative thoughts and feelings, but to care for them with curiosity instead.

With that in mind, in regard to the question, which voice do you and I listen to? I’d offer:

Give power to the voices of positivity, while also paying attention to the negative ones.

You may have noticed how I removed the “inside of us” part this time. That’s because the same philosophy applies to the voices outside of us! How cool is that?!

I was just about to follow that up with a spiel on how this is especially important in the “troubled” times we live in … when a different image came to me. What if, the pain of these days, is a birthing pain? In that we are—collectively—giving birth to a brighter and better future? And oh, my word it HURTS! Which leads us to—like a stereotypical mother giving birth wants to do to the dad—want to cuss-out and punch the person “next” to us, if you know what I mean. I hope, pray, and believe that’s what’s going on right now—although let’s hold off on the chewing out and punching.

Whether it’s from the media, politicians, social media, or clergy, a lot of voices are preaching fear, scarcity, dread, and finger-pointing. What would happen if we paid attention to, and curiously explored beneath the surface of these messengers, without giving power to them? Likewise, what if we let the voices of faith (aka trust), abundance, hope, and unity be the loudest?

What does, or doesn’t, speak to you from this? Please let us know in the comments, consider the “like” button 🤍 to be a virtual smile and click it, and share this post with anyone you think it could benefit. And above all, please remember: You are amazing, and I hope you have a beautiful day!

Hugs & Love,

Lang (aka “Dr. Love”)