Welcoming What Is

The more we welcome and work with the reality of our lives, the more we heal, grow into fullness, and thrive.

Fun fact about me: Twice, I got to co-preach a sermon to hundreds of people. The first time, because Dave Matthews Band is my favorite musical group, I literally told people: “I hope y’all like Dave Matthews Band—or DMB for short—because I have it on good authority that heaven is going to be all DMB, all the time.” 🤣 I share that because, every year over Labor Day weekend, Lisa and I celebrate our anniversary by going to all three DMB shows at The Gorge Amphitheater in Washington. While it’s always a blast—and each concert is completely different—this year’s featured something especially valuable that I want to share.

(Lisa and I enjoying the Show)

At the concerts, before DMB takes the stage, two opening acts come on. They’re basically always bands nobody has ever heard of—not at all to say they’re “bad” though. Because of that, Lisa and I like to joke that Dave saw them at a bar, liked them, and then was like, “Hey, want to come tour with me?” More to the point, though, every time, Dave makes a point of coming on stage to introduce the band by sharing with us how great he thinks they are. Not only that, he also has key figures from each come back on stage to perform with DMB at some point during the main act. Dave is the epitome of a great host!

People feel welcomed and hosted, at the deepest level, when their gifts and goodness are named and proclaimed to others.

Although I believe that bit of wisdom is worthy of a blog in and of itself … there’s more to the story! Enroute to the second show, I told Lisa, “Dave seemed extra angsty and fiery last night, don’t you think?” I’d noticed there was an extra edge both to portions of songs, as well as the overall theme of the songs they chose to play that night.

Not long into their second show, Dave paused and confirmed my suspicions. “You may have noticed there’s a little extra something-something to our music. A few important people to me died recently and I’m upset about it, so you get to go along for that ride. Thank you.”

Over the course of three nights, we got to rant, rage, and lament with Dave—with some lighter moments in between—and it was beautifully therapeutic. I hadn’t lost anyone recently, but I definitely had some pent-up frustrations, lurking worries, buried fears, and anxieties, which our communal outpouring allowed me to release. While the music was largely on the righteously angry and/or sorrowful side of things, by the end of the weekend I felt cleansed and renewed. Do you know what I mean?

Our emotions are energy, and energy wants to move. The key, then, is to let it out in healthy and healing ways.

In the midst of these three days, Lisa and I had a rupture. In my defensiveness, over a subject I don’t need to “defend”, I unintentionally lashed out at her. My words cut Lisa more deeply than a knife ever could. It turns out, “sticks and stones can break my bones, but words can never hurt me,” is fake news! While we did talk things through—with LOTS of apologies from me—I think DMB’s music helped us repair more than any of our words did. It helped us cleanse our shame, hurt, sorrow, and so on.

I’m the kind of person who REALLY does not like negative emotions (I’m a Seven on the Enneagram). I share that because to the extent that I resist those, Lisa and I both suffer. But, when I lean into them, when I sit with her in her pain, we both emerge renewed and refreshed. I think one can truly say:

Welcoming and hosting the entire complexity of our lives—especially the bits we want to resist—is the path to wholeness and fullness.

(The sun setting over the Columbia River, behind the stage)

Along those lines, during the second show, I found myself caught up in a cycle of worrying about a longstanding injury, upcoming deadlines, and my long to-do list. Inspired by the way Dave hosted the opening acts, and welcomed his “negative” emotions, I decided to do the same. I welcomed my worry. I set a seat for it at the table, so to speak. And, while I wouldn’t say it necessarily “went away,” I do know for sure that I was freed from its clutches.

It seems to me: The more we welcome all the bits and pieces of ourselves and our experiences, the more well we become. So, I invite us to try setting a seat a seat at the table for our anger, sorrow, frustration, stress, fear, hurt, and so on at the table. Introduce it to the other bits of you … and see what happens. Blessings to you all!

 want to know is: What do you think?

Hugs & Love,

Lang (aka “Dr. Love”)