Three Questions That are Saving Me Right Now
Just because you think it, doesn’t mean it is true, or that you should believe it.
Hi beloved reader,
Over a month-and-a-half ago, I launched an online yoga membership named “Be Blissful”. After putting at least 150 hours into it, I was pretty excited to offer a growing catalog of 40 on-demand classes—plus a variety of other benefits—to people. Only one person has signed up. 😳
To add insult to injury, back during the pandemic, I spent several months trying to get people to come to the three live streaming practices I was offering every week. Nobody came.
As you might imagine, given these two data points, the thought bubbles floating around in my head regarding my lack of success with the Be Blissful Membership, say things like:
You suck at online marketing.
People don’t like you.
You’re not a good yoga teacher.
Look at all the people you know, or know of, who are REALLY successful at this. Obviously, you’re a failure compared to them.
You should just give up.
My friend, what do you do when thoughts and beliefs like these arise within you?
Inspired by Byron Katie’s “The Work”, something that’s really been blessing me in this area is the process of inquiry.
To bring a thought, feeling, or belief into “inquiry”, simply means to detach it from yourself, hold it up to the light, and explore how truly factual and beneficial it is.
So, when it comes to things like this, I’ve been asking myself:
Lang, is it actually true that ________?
How does believing ________ impact and affect you?
What’s an empowering way to retell this narrative that feels truer?
Take the notion that, “I suck at online marketing”, for instance. Holding it under the light of inquiry reveals this storyline is not actually true, and only serves to depress, frustrate, and drag me down. With that in mind, I try on the belief that, “I’m learning and getting better at online marketing”, and find it suits me much better.
One of the coolest aspects of engaging our inner landscape this way, is that the areas in our lives we can apply it to are practically endless. It pertains to everything from self-talk, to relationships, to politics, to beliefs, and worldviews.
Since I can’t pass up an opportunity to try and help us stop dividing and fighting along political lines, let’s look at the Democratic and Republican parties in the United States. Each side essentially regards the other as wrong, and thus, inferior. (Yes, I know that’s putting things pretty bluntly, but it’s also essentially what’s going on right now.) So, I wonder:
Is it actually true that one political party—along with all its voters—is objectively “wrong”, and therefore inferior?
No.
How does believing the other party is wrong impact and affect a person?
It leads to division, angst, arguments, fear, blaming, finger-pointing, frustration, anger, misunderstanding, and so on.
What’s an empowering way to retell this narrative that feels truer?
Like humanity, each party has strengths and weaknesses. The Republicans and Democrats are meant to have a yin and yang relationship—balancing and complementing one another. Both belong, both are needed, and are intended to work together.
I find this process especially helpful when it comes to relationships. My partner Lisa, for example, has a habit of leaving hair ties around the house. What’s more, she also seemingly likes to use as many dishes as possible when she cooks dinner—while also tending to be, umm, on the messy side of things in her meal creation process.
The OCD part of me recoils at these, and wants to name her uncaring, irresponsible, and untidy. But the mindset that inquiry cultivates, allows me to quickly realize how untrue and unbeneficial these thought bubbles are. While also formulating a better and more accurate story about the situation.
One of the reasons this approach is so powerful, is because it engages several sides of us. It calls on our rational (is this true?), emotional (how does this affect you?), and creative (what’s a way to retell this story?) natures.
The simple effectiveness of this practice has been saving me from the judgmental, negative, critical, and demeaning thoughts that bubble up within me. So, naturally I wanted to share it with you! Let us know what this stirred up within you, how you might apply it, and so on, in the comments. And please “like” 🤍, and consider sharing/restacking this post if it spoke to you.
Hugs & Love,
Lang