This Question Changes My Life on the Regular: How’s That Working for “You”?

Our beliefs, practices, relationships, and experiences mold and shape us. Making a habit of stepping back to wonder, “is this leading to flourishing?”, makes a world of difference.

I am a bit obsessive. The upside is it keeps me committed to and uber focused on a person, task, habit, etc. The downside is it pulls me to be overly committed to and uber focused on a person, task, habit, etc. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve paused my home yoga practice to clean up some little bit of debris on our floor; because, with my face close to the ground, after I noticed it, I couldn’t stop thinking about it!

Along those lines, fitness is one of the things I’m fanatical about. Not only because I value feeling great in my body, but because I’m also a food enthusiast. I bring that up because moving to Sicily and Scotland this year has simultaneously disrupted my workout routine—especially my cardio—while satiating my love of tasty meals with delicious pastas and pizzas, among other things.

I can feel more jiggle on my middle than I’ve ever had before, and it’s driving me a little looney. What is more, this week we’re staying at a DoubleTree that has a great gym with a Peloton. I mention that because for the last few years I’ve been a firm believer that: An hour on Peloton’s spin bike a day, keeps the doctor away.

Yet, since I arrived in Europe at the beginning of February, I’ve had very little access to my favorite form of cardio. With that in mind, it’s important to point out, I’m super into metrics … and a wee “bit” competitive. So, on top of the added jiggle, I’m also dismayed by how my numbers for an average ride on the Peloton have dropped significantly.

As you can imagine, this creates a whole storyline in my head. And it’s not a great one! Which, is why I find it transformative to pause, step back, and ask myself:

How is that working for “you”?

More specifically, I’m contemplating how my dislike of my still quite fit body, my competitive nature, and my eating habits are serving me. Long story short, they aren’t! These mental dispositions are creating a downward spiral. But, asking myself this question, allows me to make the changes that will change my trajectory to upward. The most important of which is: I am choosing to love and be in awe of my body, exactly as it is!

Now, you might be wondering why I put the “you” in quotes. Before addressing that, it’s important to emphasize something:

How is that working for “you”, is a powerful tool for evaluating your beliefs, practices, politics, relationships, habits, thoughts (i.e., the stories in your head), and beyond. It’s potent because, after you objectively take stock of whether something is lifting you up, or dragging you down; then—when it’s relevant—you can choose the changes that will alter your course.

With that in mind, let’s return to the “you”. I use the quotes to indicate the you is both singular and plural. Life is a team sport, and we are all part of one human family. So, it’s important to recognize and remember that you’re not only evaluating if ______ is working for you, you’re doing the same for y’all.

For instance, I’ve long been a gamer. These days, the main one I play is an online fantasy deck building card game (that’s a mouth full!) named Hearthstone. In it, as you win, you ascend the rankings ladder—at the top of which is “Legendary”. Side note, I can’t say that word without thinking of Neil Patrick Harris character’s oft repeated line from the sitcom How I Met Your Mother: “Legen … wait for it … dary. Legendary!” Like him, I’m an enthusiast of all things “legendary”. Since Hearthstone’s rankings reset at the beginning of each month, I make it my mission to reach legendary as quickly as possible. The problem with this, is it can interfere with my relationship with my life-partner, Lisa.

In that regard, following a bad moment last weekend, I’ve recognized the problem. It’s when I fall into the “just” one more game trap. So, I’m establishing firm, timed boundaries on my gaming.

Can you see how helpful and life-giving this simple question is? What is more, it applies to pretty much every aspect of life.

Take politics for example. Over my life, I’ve identified as both a Republican and a Democrat. But, the division and vitriol between the two sides simply doesn’t work for me. Now, by “how is that working” I simply mean:

Is it life-giving?

Is it healthy and holistic?

Is it loving?

Is it creating an upward spiral?

This is why I am neither Left or Right, and do my best to vote in line with those four questions.

Which leads me to another way the contemplative question—how is that working for “you”—brings blessings: Beliefs. For a good chunk of my time on earth, I believed the Marvelous and Miraculous Mystery behind and within reality—which we often call God—was distant, didn’t particularly like or care about me, and was predisposed to be angry (much like Zeus). This belief caused me to be scared, anxious, and nowhere near as kind, caring, compassionate, generous, or loving as I knew I was supposed—and wanted—to be. It wasn’t working for me. What flipped “the switch”, was realizing:

Spirit is closer to me than my breath, adores and thinks the world of me, and loves me always and forever—no matter what.

More than anything, this shift in my beliefs planted wells of kindness, care, compassion, generosity, and love in me—which can’t help but flow out to everyone I meet. This isn’t to say I don’t do dumb and hurtful things, like I’ve revealed above. I’m just pointing out how deeply our beliefs affect our behavior.

But enough about me, let’s talk about you! How can this question bless and benefit you? Perhaps it’s in one of the categories I mentioned? Or maybe it’s the way you spend your money, time, or energy? Or perhaps it’s how you view, and thus treat others? Or …

I can’t wait to hear from you!

Hugs & Love,

Lang (aka “Dr. Love”)