There’s So Much in Our Eyes!
Our eyes are not only portals to our depths, they communicate deeply to others.
Hello and welcome, treasured one—
You know how they say: “The eyes are the windows to the soul”? Recently, through two different experiences, this saying really sprang to life for me. Honestly, I feel like I’m just now really starting to “get” the depths in, and power of our eyes. I hope you’re as excited to read about it, as I am to share it with you!
It started with a troubling trend I’d noticed. Which I decided to talk to about with my soul care provider (aka spiritual director).
“I’m frustrated with how much I find myself objectifying others—mainly people I don’t know,” I said to her. “It shows up in two different ways,” I went on. “On one side, I see it rear its ugly head as an impulse to judge, blame, and shame people on the other ‘side’ of things from me. On the other—more than I’d like—I experience it as a pull to notice and dwell on what makes some women attractive in my eyes.”
What bugged me most, I shared, “is the way it dehumanizes others. Which is counter to who I am and how I want to be.” “First and foremost,” I concluded “I want to see people for the beauty of their soul, not their beliefs or body.”
(My eyes 🥰)
We went on to spend my session having a really helpful conversation about this. One that helped me realize:
Objectifying a person is dehumanizing because it separates me from them, while also placing me in a position of presumed superiority. This separation allows me to judge another being as wrong, right, undesirable, desirable, and so on—because it removes me their humanness.
This insight, in turn, led me to a way to break the cycle. A practice, of sorts, wherein I’d nip it in the bud by:
Reminding myself of the deepest truth of a person, right as I first see them. Specifically, upon beholding someone, I do my best to first become aware: This person is a fellow carrier of the divine spark. A beloved being of infinite value. A soul sibling whose light shines brighter than the sun.
Not long after putting this into practice, I had a revelation of sorts. I noticed something significant happens when I look into a person’s eyes—even if only for an instant—especially at “first contact”. When I do this, not only does my impulse to objectify virtually vanish, it’s way easier for me to see and focus on their inner worth and beauty. What is more, on multiple occasions I swear I could perceive a person’s inner radiance shining through them.
Our eyes truly are portals to the depths of us—wherein resides something deeply incredible. How much better might we all get along, then, if we made a point of looking at—and into—one another like this?
Of course, “looking” is a two-way street. Meaning, the way I look at another person affects how well I’m be able to see them, as well as their experience of me—and vice-versa. I heard Richard Rohr talk about this on a podcast in terms of the difference between glaring and gazing; to which I’ll add glancing. With these three types of looking at someone in mind, let’s stop and consider. When it comes to both the looker and the looked at: What distinguishes a glance, from a glare, from a gaze? The second “aha” moment for me, was recognizing:
Relationally and physically, a glance is disconnected, while a glare is tight and closed, and a gaze is spacious and open. To put it differently. Glancing expresses indifference, glaring communicates adversity, and gazing gives welcome. We glance to navigate through life. We glare to let someone know: You’re out, I’m in. I’m better, and you’re worse. By gazing we tell a person, you matter deeply and are “in”.
Each of these three styles of looking is animated by a different spirit, or energy. A glance is driven by efficiency. A glare is motivated by fear and distrust. A gaze stems from love and compassion. Do you know what I mean?
To start wrapping this up, it seems fitting to call upon another saying: “What you see is what you get.” I bring this up because:
The way you look at another person influences what you see in them. Which, in turn, affects what you get from them.
When I look at a person with dislike or hostility, I draw dislike and hostility out of them. In other words, if I’m looking for enemies, I’ll not only find them—I’ll make them. Conversely, when I choose to look at others through the lens of love; more often than not, I see kind and caring people—who treat me with joy and generosity.
There’s so much in our eyes! I hope we infuse them with friendliness, generosity, compassion, kindness, and understanding.
What does, or doesn’t, speak to you from this? Please let us know in the comments, consider the “like” button 🤍 to be a virtual smile and click it, and share this post with anyone you think it could benefit. And above all, please remember: You are amazing, and I hope you have a beautiful day!
Hugs & Love,
Lang (aka “Dr. Love”)