The Way We Go Forward, is By Moving Toward One Another

Reflecting on how we can bridge our divides and come together

Hi beautiful being,

How are you doing? In the aftermath of the presidential election in the U.S.—with the stress and anxiety it induces around the world—how are you doing? I know personally, I had a couple of pretty rough days. The sadness, confusion, anger, frustration, fear, and despair in my body, was all too real. While I can’t say those are gone, I can say the light of hope is shining for me again, and I’d like to share what that means with you.

**Before moving on, if you’re struggling to make sense of things, feeling overwhelmed, etc.—I am here for you. Truly. I’m a safe space, and would love to chat with you via messenger and/or schedule a Zoom call. Consider yourself welcome and invited to reach out.**

If you know me, you know I’m a Champion for Love and Unity. Yet, it seems more apparent than ever, that the divides in the U.S.—and around the world—run deep. So, I ask myself: What is the way forward? How do we heal? How do we bridge the walls and divides between us to come together? How do we stop the bickering, blame game, shaming, and fighting between the different sides? How do we move toward a unity, which embraces and celebrates difference, as it is fueled by love? As I contemplated this, by relaxing my mind and breathing deeply, an answer came to me:

The way we go forward, is by moving toward one another.

To help get us started doing so, let’s address an elephant in the room. One of the things that baffles us the most is “why” people different from us, believe and behave the way they do. Why do they vote for ____? Why do they believe that? Why do they behave that way? Why do they say the things they say? The short answer is:

People, despite what we think and tell ourselves, largely do not behave and believe rationally.

Before we get to why I say that, I invite you to pause and sit with that statement for a breath or five, while considering: Wouldn’t that explain a lot? Doesn’t that shed light on why others perplex us? To put it playfully, doesn’t that make sense of people who don’t make sense to us?

 I focused my doctoral project on how we can bridge our societal divides, and come together to flourish as one human family. In researching the root cause(s) of our polarization problem, I came across Jonathan Haidt’s The Righteous Mind: Why Good People are Divided by Politics and Religion. In it, he reveals our conscious reasoning, as in “the stream of words and images of which we are aware”, comprises merely 1 percent of one’s mental processes—while the “other 99 percent … occur outside of awareness but [are what] actually govern most of our behavior.”^[1] To help that sink in, Haidt uses an Elephant-Rider metaphor.

Picture an untrained elephant with a rider. If the elephant wants to go one direction, and the rider another, who do you think will win? The elephant is going to do what, and go where it wants; while the rider is, well, merely along for the ride. Can you see where we’re going with this, friend? Our rationality and logic, the 1 percent, is the rider; while our generally unconscious intuitions, instincts, cultural conditioning, emotions, biases, and beyond, is the elephant. The elephant predominately dictates our behavior, which is why people do things that don’t make sense to you. And, the real kicker is:

Without realizing it, after we make a subconscious decision on how we will behave—based on the ways we’ve been formed by our families and culture, our emotions, the influence of our experiences, and our wiring—we then get our conscious mind to give a logical explanation for why we do what we do.

In other words, nine times out of ten, people are driven more by their emotions, than their minds. This is why we mystify one another, and sometimes ourselves. Does that make sense, friend? How can this help you move toward people different than you?

Now, it’s important to pause and note that while this is our default “wiring”, we don’t have to stay this way. By being mindful, by pausing to reflect on: Why do I want to _____? You can make more conscious choices. Mindfulness practices like meditation, contemplation, yoga, and the like, really help build this “muscle”. When I take the time to ponder why I ____, I inevitably realize:

There’s a story, that makes all the sense in the world, behind why we do what we do.

This is why moving toward one another is so vital. As you get to know another person, you learn their story, which then helps you understand why they voted differently from you, for instance. Along those lines, I voted for Harris (although I don’t identify with any party). As I engaged with people who picked Trump, I discovered it was for very understandable reasons. While I didn’t necessarily “agree” with them, I could also see how from their perspective, their choices made all the sense in the world.

It turns out taking the time to put yourself in another person’s proverbial shoes, is a bridge that crosses all manner of divides.

Friends, when we move toward others with curiosity and kindness, we form a connection. Connecting, in turn, builds understanding. And understanding, cultivates empathy and unity.

Naturally, we’re all at different places in our journeys. So, I’m keen to hear from you: How are you doing? What stood out to you? What does, moving toward people different from you look like?

Hugs & Love,

Lang (aka “Dr. Love”)

P.S. Did you know that clicking the “like” button🤍helps other people find this post—while bringing a smile to my face? Also, if you think this could aid anyone, please consider sharing and/or “restacking” it. And above all, remember: You are amazing, and I hope you have a beautiful day!

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^[1] Jonathan Haidt, The Righteous Mind, xx-xxi.