The Rich Reward for Having Awkward Conversations
While certain aspects of life are awkward to talk about it, when we stay silent on these subjects and experiences, we suffer. So, let’s get a bit “messy”, and experience the marvelousness that results
Hi beloved reader,
In the air force we had a simultaneously hilarious, yet also quite helpful saying:
“Embrace the suck.”
Given that hardships are an unavoidable part of being in the military, it was way easier to accept and laugh about them, than to resist them.
Lately, I’ve been reflecting on how there’s something similar, but different, that goes on when it comes to being alive. In short: Life is awkward. Consider the following:
We come into the world kicking and screaming, after leaving the cozy comfort of our mom’s womb.
As toddlers we clumsily learn how to walk, with plenty of falls in the process.
Similarly, in fits and starts, we get to learn words, sentences, and how to have conversations. Side note, I don’t know about you, but there are definitely some conversations I’m still learning to have.
Remember puberty with its growth spurts, raging hormones, voice changes, hair in new places on your body, body odor, and beyond?
Your first kiss. Does anyone get that “right”?
The first time you explored sexual activities beyond kissing.
The whole crazy process of a mother growing and birthing a new human.
The after effects of birthing a new human.
Anxiety.
Depression.
Abuse.
Menopause.
Andropause.
(Wasn’t my kiddo adorable? 🤩)
What I’m getting at is:
Embrace life’s awkwardness! Because, when we do, those bits get a whole lot easier.
My favorite Peloton instructor, Christine D’Ercole, is a prime example of this. As she entered menopause, on her spin rides she started talking about the inevitable reality of it for women, its effects, and the things that help it (like hormone replacement therapy). Since my partner is of a similar age, I told her about this and asked, “where are you at in your menopause journey?”
It turns out, this simple question helped Lisa realize she didn’t have to suffer the hot and cold flashes, brain fog, and beyond in silence. So, she brought up her symptoms and struggles to her doctor, who put Lisa on some medications that have made a world of difference!
On that note, did you know that men experience something akin to menopause? While andropause doesn’t impact us as suddenly and dramatically as what women experience, it definitely has an awkward effect on men. Basically, according to Google’s AI, it’s “a slow, steady decrease in testosterone production, typically starting around age 40.” Which, can decrease a man’s sex drive, sexual performance, and muscle mass, while also potentially leading to fatigue, mood changes, and sleep troubles.
While not all men are affected by these, and the severity varies—to my dismay and frustration—I’ve definitely been impacted by the first two. Part of what’s so crazy-making about the way andropause has “squeezed” my libido, and such, is that my sexual vitality waxes and wanes in a manner that seems to lack rhyme or reason. What is more, after it negatively affects me a time or two, I have a hard time not getting in my head about it.
Like Austin Powers, I start worrying that “I’ve lost my mojo.” The anxiety this fear provokes, as you might imagine, does not help matters!
Thankfully, Lisa is wonderfully safe and supportive when it comes to talking about this. Which, helps me relax my worried mind, and release the associated stresses and struggles.
What is more, I recently heard someone share how he planned to “get ahead of the curve” when it comes to a middle-aged man’s decline in testosterone, and how that affects us. This inspired me to reach out to my doctor, who promptly scheduled me for a test to determine what can be done to help me in this area.
There’s something about talking about, and sharing the awkward aspects of life with each other, that takes the pressure off, and helps us feel more at ease, freer, and more whole on the inside.
Naturally it’s not always easy to get into topics that we’ve been told are off limits, or ones that feel super tender—like if you’ve been sexually abused, for instance. That’s why I think Brené Brown’s popular mantra, “stay awkward, brave, and kind”, is especially powerful, and relevant to this topic.
It takes courage to speak up about menopause, abuse, anxiety, sex, and other awkward subjects or experiences. Before the reward, as they say, comes the leap. What is more, it goes way better when what is shared is held in a space of kindness and compassion—by all parties. Do you know what I mean?
You know the saying, “cleanliness is next to godliness”? I have a hunch that:
Awkwardness is next to awesomeness.`I believe this because, there’s something about remaining silent about uncomfortable matters, that ties us up in knots on the inside. They constrict us, and weigh us down. Yet, when we choose to be awkward, brave, and kind about them, it’s like we’re given wings to fly!
Not only have I experienced this time-and-again when I’ve let the awkwardness out, I’ve witnessed the incredible effect it has within others over-and-over again.
With that in mind, I’d like to end with a little blessing:
May bravery embolden and bolster us,
And kindness fill and flow through us,
As we take the leap into awkward territories,
To taste the bounty of freedom and wholeness they hold.
Beloved reader, thank you for letting me share some awkward things with you. What stood out to you from our chat? What are you taking away with you? What would you add? I can’t wait to hear from you in the comments! And please “like” 🤍, and consider sharing/restacking this post if it spoke to you.
Hugs & Love,
Lang (aka “Dr. Love”)