Take the “Wheel”: A Life Lesson from the Passenger Seat

Although it is easy to settle for being a spectator; the one, wild life we’re given only takes flight when we participate in and co-create it.

Hi beautiful being,

Last weekend, Lisa and I celebrated our eighth anniversary by going on a weekend getaway with a wine group we’re part of. As she drove us from our villa on the eastern side of Sicily—to the resort arranged for us near the island’s west coast—an image came into my mind that I can’t shake. It arrived in one of those perfectly poetic moments. The kind where you just can’t help but laugh, because it feels like you’re “in” on some kind of cosmic joke. You see, friend, I was riding in the passenger seat of our car when it dawned on me that:

Although it is easy to settle for being a passenger in life—unconsciously going along for “the ride”. To experience the sparkly richness of life, we must choose to be participants. You and I are meant to be people who engage with, and create our realities with purpose and passion.

The spark that lit up this lightbulb in my brain arrived on a hour-long stretch of the trip; during which we rode through a particularly lovely part of Sicily. As I took in the beautiful sights, I decided to capture some of the highlights on my phone (many of which are in this letter). Excited by this notion, I became like a playful jungle cat on the prowl for prey. Only I was hunting for images that would fill my appetite for picturesque sights. It was a blast!

As I basked in the delight of this experience—I realized why it was that my joyometer had rocketed up while I was taking pictures (wouldn’t it be dope if there actually was a speedometer type device that measured our joy?). It was because I had shifted from being simply a passenger on our drive, to becoming a participant. Joy bubbled up within me because I’d gone from being passive to active, disconnected to engaged, “reclined” to leaning in, and so on. While for the first part of the trip my inner disposition could be summarized as: This is alright. Once I decided to more actively participate, it became: THIS IS AWESOME!!!

(A large flock of birds flying past us)

Friend, I’d be remiss if I didn’t tell you why this passenger vs. participant (aka driver) metaphor really speaks to me. As some of you know, a freak accident I had on a family friendly hike in November 2008, robbed me of my peripheral vision, depth perception, and, thus, ability to drive. In the blink of an eye, I went from typically being the primary driver when I went somewhere with others, to being a perpetual passenger.

(Ancient Greek ruins)

The impact of this echoed far beyond my relationship to automobiles, though. In ways I continue to work on to this day—I’ve let the disability that prevents me from driving, disable me from directing the wheel of my life (so to speak). All too often, instead of proactively determining where I wanted to go, I passively accepted where things took me. I did this by valuing the advice of others over the guidance within me, “rolling over” in the face of opposition, and by allowing my insecurities to overshadow my confidence and creativity.

I share this because, while the specifics of my situation are unique to me; the more I “look around” at others, the more I realize I am far from the only one who has, or is suffering from this predicament.

At various points in our journeys—whether it’s via an injury, divorce, illness, death, loss of a job, failed ____, rejection letter, aging, or some other form of disruption—reality has a way of slapping us upside the head. These “jolts”, in turn, often lead to us feeling we’ve lost agency in an area—or more—of our lives. This results in us, often unconsciously, resigning ourselves to the passenger seat of our life. Can you relate, friend?

When we’re in this place—characterized by apathy, victimhood, disinterest, depression, resignation, and the like—instead of owning our lives, we feel disowned by life. We tend to blame others for our problems and predicaments. We often put our hope in someone else, like the president, to fix things. We end up settling—even when the truest part of us longs for, and knows more is possible. I know I’ve been in all of these places, more than once! How about you?

I’m in the homestretch of a five-year process to become a certified life coach and soul care provider (it’s taken so long because I started by getting a doctorate, lol). I bring that up because the life coaching program I’m in, really helped me switch from being a passenger to a driver, in the areas I was still stuck. The process is simultaneously simple, and powerful:

First, you identify an aspect of your life with that low-energy vibe, where you feel you a lack agency.

Then, identify the story you’re telling yourself regarding that area, which is keeping you stuck (note, this can usually be boiled down to a sentence or two).

Next, honor the ways that story helped, protected, and benefited you. Thank it for its service.

After that, create a new, empowering story that puts the wheel of your life back in your hands.

Now, formulate a doable action step that will move you forward.

Finally, take action … then, celebrate!

I truly hope this blessed or benefited you in some way, and can’t wait to hear from you in the comments. Perhaps you have a passenger to participant story you can share, or a place where you’re currently stuck (Note: I have 3-4 free 30–60-minute life coaching sessions to give if you’re interested? You can sign up here, or feel free to message me). Maybe something stood out to you, or there’s something you’d add?

Hugs & Love,

Lang (aka “Dr. Love”)

P.S. Did you know that clicking the “like” button 🤍 helps other people find this post—while bringing a smile to my face? Also, if you think this could aid anyone, please consider sharing and/or “restacking” it. And above all, remember: You are amazing, and I hope you have a beautiful day!