Pride Month: We are One, But Not the Same
Exploring how the LGTBQIA+ community helps us see and embrace the wholeness and fullness of ourselves, and humanity
Hi beautiful being,
I’m going to start with a bit of a curveball. A list of things that highlight an important aspect of humanity I’d like to explore …
My adult kiddo is nonbinary.
I was secretly addicted to porn all eight-plus years I was married to their mom, and considered myself a faithful partner.
For more years than we haven’t, humanity believed the earth was at the center of the universe.
I’ve known a surprisingly large number of polyamorous people over the years.
Christianity likely has over 45,000 distinctly different denominations (aka, differing “flavors” of one faith).
I am a man, but am not “manly”, as society defines it.
"There's no such thing as normal. It's a stupid word. Does a lot of damage." – Tom to Kate in the movie Last Christmas
There are an estimated 10,000 different religions in the world.
Although votes, beliefs, and behaviors vary (sometimes greatly) from person to person, group to group, and nation to nation—each thinks their choice is the correct one.
Friend, I bring these up to draw your attention to, how incredibly diverse, complex, and in progress humanity is. It’s Pride Month, and one of the things I find so beautiful about it is, how the LGBTQIA+ community invites us to celebrate with them, how life-giving it is to recognize and embrace this truth. As Bono reminds us in U2’s song “One”:
We’re one but we’re not the same
We get to carry each other, carry each other
One!
(From Inspiring Quotes)
Yes, all 8.2 billion of us alive right now are part of one human family, sharing the same core needs to be loved, valued, and included. As well as many other similarities. And, we are also wired 8.2 billion different ways, and have experienced 8.2 billion different lives. In other words, and to draw a parallel with the flavors of ice cream:
There are currently 8.2 billion distinct flavors of humans.
Now, to help us not let the mind-boggling bigness of “8.2 billion” go in one ear and out the other. How long do you think it would take to count to that high? If you counted one number per second nonstop, 24-hours a day without ever sleeping—it would take you over 259 years (note, most numbers in the millions and billions take much longer than a second).
Honestly, given that profound level of diversity, how could some people not be born lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, intersex, asexual, and beyond? Yet, varying levels of resistance, or worse, to these flavors of humanity still exist. Why is that? I’d offer:
Our simplicity bias
Lack of understanding
Lack of proximity
Since, in the U.S. at least, there’s been a recent backlash against our transgender population, let’s talk about that part of our family. Even though, humans are individually and communally complex creatures, we are wired to prefer simplicity. Our minds literally rebel against the truth—as we currently understand it—that some people born with penises on their exterior, are actually women on the inside, and vice-versa.
(My Pride Dragon tattoo, my artist even ordered the colors after the flag!)
This, in turn, biases us to not seek to understand what it’s like and what it means to be a transgender person. Even worse, it leads us to “other” them and believe things like, “they’re just confused”, or, “it’s a mental illness.”
Naturally, this creates something of a downward spiral, as we’re also biased to avoid people we perceive as other than us. This lack of contact, and thus conversation with transgendered individuals, creates a vicious cycle of sorts. We don’t get them, so we stay away from them, which makes it impossible to ever understand them … and around-and-around it goes. Do you see what I’m saying, friend? As well as how our “avoidance” includes not only not being in relationship with, but also not listening to, reading about, or researching their uniquely human experience?
Personally, last year I learned quite a bit going to Dee Allum’s comedy routine about coming out as a trans woman. She used comedy to share with us how for years and years she’d felt a disconnection and dissonance between what was going on inside of her, and her physical components. I understand it as like living your life in an episode of The Twilight Zone, wherein something quite important is off, and doesn’t make sense. In the end, Dee told us, the mismatch was so great for her; realizing she is trans, has quite literally saved her life!
From getting to bear witness to Dee’s story—as well as the tales of nonbinary, gay, lesbian, queer, and bisexual people—I’ve learned that:
Curiosity leads to understanding. Understanding breeds empathy. Empathy manifests inclusion. Inclusion results in caring. And caring births love.
Speaking of love. Before it dawned on her that she was trans, Dee had a girlfriend/partner. A partner who stayed the course—journeying with Dee through name. pronoun, physical, and hormonal changes.
This flavorful, robust, and radical love—I believe—is what Pride Month is about.
Love—in its fullness—is not only undaunted by the messy complexity of the human condition, it celebrates it!
That said, do those who are transgendered, nonbinary, and so on, throw a “wrench” into the system we’ve constructed? Does embracing them complicate things like the pronouns we use, the way we set up public bathrooms, our gender-based sports, and so on? Absolutely! And, I believe it’s a good thing!
I’m grateful to these members of our human family for rocking our cultural boat, because it will help us face, embrace, include, and love the complexities and idiosyncrasies that live within each and every one of us. In very real ways, the LGBTQIA+ community has helped me accept my own oddities—such as not liking, or being even remotely good at, “manly” things like, handyman work, building things, working on cars, putting things together, and so on. That’s why I’m convinced that:
Embracing the trans, and other aspects of the LGBTQIA+ community, will help us more fully embrace ourselves. It will bring us into greater freedom and wholeness, both individually and communally.
With that in mind, this Pride Month (and beyond), may we …
Get curious, instead of critical
Embrace, not disgrace
Seek to understand
Commit to include
Remember we are one, but not the same
Carry each other
And love more boldly, beautifully, and extravagantly than we ever thought possible.
Friend, you are amazing! What stood out to you from this? What would you add to the conversation? What are you taking away with you? This is the third in a series of “Let’s Talk About _____” posts. What topics would you like to explore here? I can’t wait to hear from you in the comments! And please “like” 🤍, and consider sharing/restacking this post if it spoke to you.
Hugs & Love,
Lang (aka “Dr. Love”)