Pride and Humility
Life is like an orchestra. No single “instrument” is meant to take over or dominate. People, and the various energies within us, are intended to weave together to form a beautiful melody.
Hi beautiful being,
While I wouldn’t say I was a nerd in high school, I think it would be fair to say I was nerd-adjacent. I competed in things like Knowledge Bowl (akin to Jeopardy with teams of four), the Math Olympics, and the Citizen Bee. The latter was like the Spelling Bee, only about the United States’ history and government. Plus, before the deathmatch style portion—wherein everyone but the last person standing has been eliminated for getting a question wrong—we each took a pretty intense written test. The winners were determined by a combination of the two.
So, there I was at the Citizen Bee, as they were announcing the victors. I’d been eliminated no better than halfway through the Spelling Bee-like part, so figured I was completely out of the running. Which is why, I was totally shocked when the speaker declared, “And the first-place winner is … Lang Charters.”
You know how sometimes our thought bubbles accidentally slip past our lips? At the precise moment when the applause subsided, and the room became quiet—I concluded to myself, “I must have destroyed everyone on the written portion.” Out loud, for everyone to hear.
Doh!
(Talk about having a monkey on my back! 😂)
One could say, I’m not proud of the pride youthful Lang displayed in that moment. Which leads me to observe: Isn’t it interesting how “pride” can be a positive and healthy attribute, as well as a negative and unhealthy one?
While it’s good to “take pride in your efforts”, we also say that “pride comes before the fall.” Likewise, we sing about being “proud to be an American” and tell people “I’m proud of you”, while we think less of a “proud person”.
Sitting with that, then makes me wonder: What separates the former from the latter? How does one cultivate a helpful sense of pride, while avoiding its unhelpful twin?
My theory is that humility is the answer, because:
Pride and humility are like yin and yang—meant to coexist and balance one another.
(From Wikipedia)
This, to me, is where it gets super fascinating. Because humility has much the same problem as pride. While a prideful person tends to be arrogant, dismissive of others, and such; an overly humble person is often meek, submissive, and silent. What is it, then, that pulls us too far one direction or the other, when it comes to these two dispositions?
Intuitively, I’d say it’s our ego. Perhaps more than anything, the ego craves attention and recognition. So, it pushes us to be bigger and bolder. On the pride side of things, this has a “look at how awesome I am”, ring to it. Meanwhile, when it comes to humility, it manifests in more of a, “woe is me”, type of way. With this in mind, regarding the “cure” for these pulls, one could say:
Humility keeps the ego from twisting a healthy pride into boastfulness, over-confidence, and worse. Meanwhile, being justifiably proud, prevents one’s ego from turning their humility into timidity, passivity, and beyond.
Looking at myself through this lens, I can see how when I realized youthful Lang was too proud externally, I ended up internalizing this impulse. There, it turned into an inner voice of judgment—toward both others, and myself. Internally, I was quite certain I’d “cracked the code” when it came to beliefs, politics, morality, religion, and so on. Naturally, this made those who disagreed with me wrong, and therefore, less than me. Thank the Maker I kept this largely to myself!
Conversely, whenever I made a mistake, that same voice of judgment would roar to life. Blaming and belittling me, just like I’d it would do to the aforementioned people who saw things differently than I did. As you might imagine, the insecurity this instilled in me, would lead me to “double down” on the rightness of my beliefs, views, and leanings.
Fortunately, I’ve done a lot of inner work and healing, and am in a much better place today. Honestly, when it comes to how well my pride and humility are balanced—overall, I’d say I could use some more of the former’s confidence.
Friend, how well are your pride and humility working together these days?
What got me reflecting on this topic, is a troubling trend I’ve noticed in the U.S. “Why are we so polarized and divided?” I keep asking myself. “How do we come together, to thrive together?” I wonder. Although this topic is easily big enough for a book (note, I wrote one for my doctoral project, which I plan to publish in the not-too-distant future), a key part of the problem and answer, goes something like this:
Generally speaking, America has swung to the “dark side” of pride. Each group, and person, overly certain they are correct, and those who disagree are wrong. We have left humility, and its cousins of mercy and forgiveness, behind. Humbleness—when it dances with the light side of pride—knows it doesn’t know everything, will get much wrong and enough right, and walks confidently forward with its chin held high, an open mind, an expansive heart, and hands held out to others.
Physically, mentally, emotionally, relationally, and spiritually, we are what we “eat”. Sadly, America is currently scarfing up a combo platter of pride and certainty, and it’s a recipe for disaster. Do you know what I mean?
Yet, what if we started swapping the addictive sweetness of certainty out for the nourishing fullness of humility? What if we reminded ourselves: I don’t know everything, am certainly wrong about many things, and will get at least enough right. I know when I look back on my life, I’ve changed my mind about important things SO many times, and been mistaken more times than I can count. Yet, I’m here, and loving life. How about you?
Having compared pride and humility to yin and yang, something occurred to me. You know how the yin and yang symbol, depicting life’s two balancing energies, is a circle? I believe the circle is love, it’s all around us, and we’re all within it—and that gives me a lot of hope.
Friend, you are amazing! What did this stir up within you? How do you see pride and humility at play in our society? What would you add? This is the fourth in a series of “Let’s Talk About _____” posts. What topics would you like to explore here? I can’t wait to hear from you in the comments! And please “like” 🤍, and consider sharing/restacking this post if it spoke to you.
Hugs & Love,
Lang (aka “Dr. Love”)
Such an insightful article Lang. Really got me thinking from a granular level all the way to planetary. Pride & humility woven together feels balanced and from a place of self-awareness and openness. When I feel the combination of those two things, I notice it directly within my body. When I experience them separately, it’s straight from my head (ego).
How about complacency. That seems to be a problem that is avoided... due to...