Our Lives are Like Gardens—The Better We Tend Them, The More Beautiful They Become

A gorgeous garden takes time, effort, and intention. So does a lovely life.

I have a hard time letting go. For instance, I almost never am the one who ends a phone call or video chat. It takes a force of will for me to not to be the last responder in a message thread. I don’t want hugs to end. I’ve had several friendships that I clung to, and kept on “life support”, well past their expiration. Although we’d been separated for nine-plus months, I was convinced my second marriage would end up thriving, literally until the judge hit his gavel and pronounced us divorced.

While my loyalty is a blessing, untended to, it can become a curse. And isn’t this how all our gifts go?

I’m listening to Emma Lovewell’s book, Live Learn Love Well: Lessons from a Life of Progress Not Perfection, and in it she talks about “deadheading”. (Side note, I kind of want to change my last name to hers!) Deadheading is simply pruning the dead and dying parts from a plant. This allows it to redirect the energy it’s wasting on that flower or limb, to new growth. In other words, the removal of dead heads, helps a plant thrive.

Looking back on how much vital energy I poured into dying, or dead, relationships—I can see how humans are like plants. Without tending, we easily waste precious time and energy on things that are no longer growing and blooming. That’s why:

Like master gardeners, we need to regularly step back and evaluate the “garden” of our lives. Then, prune the relationships, beliefs, habits, projects, behaviors, and thinking patterns that drain, drag, or pull us down. This frees our time and energy to flow into what brings flowering and flourishing.

Please note, how this looks can be tricky to discern—especially with relationships—and is often best done with second, third, and/or professional opinions. “Pruning”, in this regard, stretches from tweaks, to changes, to pauses, to endings.

 Much like how gardeners do much more than clip and snip things to cultivate a beautiful patch, there’s more to the story for us too. There is a rhythm to gardening. Some things are done daily, perhaps at specific times. Others are say 1-5 times a week. Still others are seasonal, annual, or as needed. Much the same is true for growing a beautiful life.

Thriving has a rhythm to it. The more you keep the beat, and sing your natural pitch—the brighter you become.

When I flew as an electronic warfare officer in the air force, we had checklists for everything. They laid the framework for a good flight and mission. In my doctoral program, they introduced us to something like that. Only, it’s for your life—and it’s way more awesome than a checklist!

A “Rule of Life” simply outlines a holistic pattern of living—founded on truth, beauty, and love—that helps you flourish. It’s a concise guideline for gardening your life.

I’m in a season of transition right now. One wherein I am in the middle of getting a certificate in spiritual direction, preparing to start teaching yoga online, planning to start a life coaching certification program this summer, and soon having my website rebooted to reflect all of that. While I talked to my spiritual director about this—and how I was feeling a bit stuck in some areas—she asked me if changing my “Rhythm of Life” could help me get unstuck. I bring that up not just because it can—and will—but also because, while this personalized tool is traditionally called a Rule of Life, I think Rhythm of Life feels more natural, so we’ll call it that from here on out (thanks, Alyssa!).

So, what is a Rhythm of Life?

Akin to how a gardener must do specific things to cultivate a beautiful garden, it’s a succinct compilation of the specific things you must do to nurture a beautiful life (note, keeping it to no more than a page is a good rule of thumb). What’s more, while there is no one precise format for these—and it’s vital to craft yours to fit you—it’s hard to grow something without seeds. So, the “seeds” of a Rhythm of Life include a mission statement for flourishing, the guidelines to an inner disposition that supports it, and the things you do to live your mission.

Here's a bit more on what I mean by that, including what I put into each category:

1. Mission Statement: Successful organizations know that to hit the proverbial “bullseye”, you have to define what that is for you. Life is the same. This is your bullseye. Mine is: Awaken, open to, and be love together. A friend of mine’s is about the importance of being playful. Note, this could be your aimpoint for a month, season, year, or lifetime. A Rhythm of Life is not meant to be set in stone, but reevaluated, added to, subtracted from, and rewritten regularly.

2. Guidelines: Under your Mission Statement, detail a few key things that support your mission and guide your life. “Guiding Values” is a one sentence summary of the principles I live by. “Guiding quote” is an inspiring line that helps me stay “on mission”. “Artifact” is an object or image that does much the same. (Note, I’m cutting this to add things in the next section that will get me unstuck.) “Guiding Mantras” are a few phrases, like “people over tasks”, that help me stay true to my mission.

3. Doings: These are the specific and tangible things you do daily, weekly, etc. to cultivate thriving. I subdivide this into the five circles of my life: Spiritual, family, others, self, and work. Here are some of my particulars: I go on a date/adventure with Lisa 2x a month, message and connect with someone daily, workout (yoga, spin, run, HIT, weights) for an hour 5x a week, call my best friend weekly, work on my new endeavors for 1-hour 5x a week, and write something meaningful once a week (like this).

I don’t know about you, but I’m excited to go do some self-gardening, by pulling some “weeds” and planting some “seeds” in my Rhythm of Life!

May the garden of your life be colorfully vibrant, extravagantly abundant, and radiant with beauty.

Hugs & Love,

Lang (aka “Dr. Love”)

Beloved reader, who in your life could this bless or benefit? Please share this offering with them—and click the 🤍 button so I know this resonated with you. I also always love to hear from you in the comments below. You are amazing, and I hope you have a beautiful day!