Love is Limitless
Love—along with the worth, belonging, and wholeness she gifts us—is like the air we breathe, freely and equally available to everyone.
Hi, my name is Lang, and I’m a comparison and competition addict. You see, while I wasn’t aware of it at the time, my childhood was “rich” with chaos and uncertainty. My dad was in the army, so my first memories were in a foreign land (Germany), smack dab during the heightened tensions of the Cold War. Naturally, this also meant he was absent for deployments and exercises a good bit—and that we moved from place-to-place-to-place. What is more, my parents had a pretty rocky relationship; which, ended in divorce … just as I went into puberty and the terror that is middle school. There, I was made fun of and bullied; until my mom remarried and I found my place and people at a new school in ninth grade.
In the midst of life’s instabilities, though, I had one thing I could always depend on: My smarts. This meant I could consistently count on finding my safety, security, and significance by scoring at, or near, the top of most all things academic. Thus, from pretty much the moment I started going to school, comparison and competition became my drug of choice. To this day, I vividly remember the thrill of being the fastest kid in class when we would see who could solve a math problem first on the blackboard, or do timed multiplication quizzes on pieces of paper.
This leads me to wonder:
Amidst the craziness of life, what’s your coping mechanism(s) of choice?
Perhaps it’s binging, eating, meditation, shopping, gambling, exercise, social media scrolling, drinking, yoga, comparing and competing, religion, or painting. I imagine the list of ways we deal with the stresses and struggles of life is virtually as endless as the number of people in the world. And please note: Tools/practices like these—when done mindfully—can be amazingly helpful and healthy ways to stay sane in an (sometimes) insane world. It’s when they cause us to suffer, and/or create suffering in others, that they become problems.
Which, brings me back to my tendency to compare and compete. Honestly, I’ve done a lot of work in this area, and was doing pretty well. At least, until I found myself “a bit” unsettled after moving halfway across the world from Washington state to Sicily. There—overidentifying with my ability and success as a writer—I noticed myself feeling inferior in comparison to the quality/quantity of a dear friend’s prose, “likes”, and comments. In an instant, I spun-out into a “I suck”, “woe is me” space. In your own way, can you relate? Do you know what I mean?
This leads me to the title. In a world where some champion participation trophies, while others lament how this is silly and diminishes talent and work ethic … Love doesn’t give a damn!
Love embraces, shines on, celebrates, and nourishes the talented and untalented, winners and losers, hardworking and lazy, rich and poor—and everyone in between.
Love is gratuitously great that way!
I bring this up in reference to my want to compete and compare—and how it led me into sorrow and suffering—because, all that desire really is, is a deep need for love. It’s a longing for love, and the worth, belonging, and wholeness she gifts. And in the end, my spirit was in agony, because I forgot the Truth about love:
While the world teaches us, everything we yearn for in life is like a pie—in that there are only so many “pieces” to go around. Love, my dear readers, is not like that. Love is limitless. That which we most deeply need and desire is not only infinite, it is ever-present and everywhere!
I began this post with a Twelve Step style confession, because there’s something vitally important about bottoming out, coming to the end of ourselves, failing, and becoming aware of our addictions and shadows. These “stumbling stones” are meant to trip us, so we will fall into the bottomless pool of love. They become divine invitations to put down our striving for worth and acceptance—which inevitably leads to struggling, then suffering—and surrender to the Truth that we are endlessly and abundantly loved, exactly as we are. No matter what we do, or don’t do. Period. No exceptions.
When we do this—and I write this not only to share this with you, but to remind myself—the most magical thing happens. We find ourselves at home. We realize we are free. The world becomes brighter. Our lives become bigger. Our days are infused with meaning and purpose. We realize the horizons of hope extend further than our eyes can see. Our hearts beat with joy. Peace flows through our veins. And at a deep, cellular/soulful level we know Julian of Norwich spoke Truth by saying:
All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well.
Hugs & Love,
Lang (aka “Dr. Love”)