Joyful Solutions
A compromise, while okay, is also a lose-lose scenario. A joyful solution, though, is a win-win.
Hello and welcome, treasured one—
Lisa and I had a whirlwind romance. The kind where you spend all your time with each other, and quickly realize there’s something special between you. We’d both been married before, so had a good idea of who we were, as well as what we wanted in a partnership. So, on the twelfth day of Christmas, I asked her to marry me.
Oh, how we rode the wings of bliss, and floated on the seas of love! At least until reality threw a glass of cold water in our faces. Sometime in the middle of January, we realized the earliest everyone we wanted to be at our ceremony could be there was September. While this may not seem like a problem, it was.
“Honey, we’re going to have to either spend a lot less time together, or move in with each other,” Lisa told me. “It’s stressful and wearing me out to spend all my time with you, while living somewhere else,” she explained, “plus it’s quite a financial strain to basically support two households.”
“Whew! That’s a hard one,” I replied. “Let me think about it for the night, and I’ll get back to you.”
Now, unbeknownst to Lisa, my thoughts on what she said were: Well, neither of those are joyful! I definitely don’t want to spend less time with her. Yet—although I have no problem with moving in together—it’s not really an option because I’m on the leadership team at church, plus my parents wouldn’t be pleased. That said, I’m sure there’s another possibility.
Likewise, unbeknownst to me, Lisa’s thoughts on what I said were: Oh no! He’s going to break up with me!!
Oh, the stories we make up in our heads about others.
In Succulent Wild Love: Six Powerful Habits for Feeling More Love More Often, SARK (Susan Ariel Rainbow Kennedy’s penname) introduced me to the concept of a joyful solution. You know how when it comes to resolving a relational disagreement, issue, or stalemate, we tend to think a compromise is the best we can do? Of course we do!
With that in mind, I wonder are compromises delightful to both parties? Of course they aren’t!
Yet, when you wait for wisdom, lean into love, and open your mind with curiosity—a joyful solution will arise. An answer that gladdens everyone involved will surface.
This is what I was believing during Lisa and my conversation. Even if I didn’t articulate it well to her. And you know what? Every time I’ve let a joyful solution untangle a relational conundrum; it’s worked. Every single time. The key piece, I find, is pausing—on the inside.
Pausing—by “bookmarking” decision making, calming my mental chatter, and patiently waiting—creates space for insights to bubble up, which otherwise remain hidden.
The answer for Lisa and I was to have a small, yet super sweet ceremony at my sister’s home on January 29th—followed by a party with our local family and friends. Then, on September 2nd we said our vows in front of the full collection of our people. After which we ate, drank, danced, and had one of the best evenings ever.
How does this land with, or apply to you? Does it spark or inspire something within? Please let us know in the comments, subscribe and click the “like” button 🤍 if this spoke to you, and share it with anyone you think it could benefit. And above all, please remember: You are amazing, and I hope you have a beautiful day!
Hugs & Love,
Lang (aka “Dr. Love”)