Joy is An “Inside Job”
Bliss. Isn’t it the best? Wouldn’t it be great if we could be in that “heavenly” place more often? The good news is, we can!
Hi beautiful being,
Did you know the Italian word for “storm” is temporale (pronounced, temp-or-al-ay)? I think this is brilliant because, built into the word itself, is a reminder that “tempests” are fleeting things. Whether we’re facing a literal or metaphorical storm, it is going to pass. And remembering this truth, helps us navigate them more adeptly.
I know there are times in my life when I wish I’d known, or remembered this. I think of my early forties, when this twice-divorced guy was trying to figure out how to find a gal. I went out with a friend from university who ran in the same circles I did for a while; before trying to find someone through church, yoga, and even a blind date. By the time I got to the point of giving online dating a go, if I’m honest, I was a wee bit desperate. That’s why—after a couple of unsuccessful months on eHarmony—when “Chelsea” started messaging me, I was overjoyed.
We would set up little online “dates”, wherein we messaged back-and-forth for 30-minutes, or more. Getting to know each other, asking about our hopes and dreams, and learning about her past, was thrilling! While I did wonder why Chelsea was sometimes super quick to respond, while other times, it would take her 5-minutes—the excitement kept me coming back.
While she lived in Seattle—just across the Puget Sound from my place in Poulsbo, WA—she was in South Africa when we started chatting. Chelsea was in the jewelry business, so was there for work, to purchase silver, gold, gems, and so on. It was a two (or three) week trip, so I asked her if she’d like to go on a proper date when she returned.
She said, “yes!”
(From Inspiring Quotes)
As we planned out where and when we’d meet, and I imagined how things would unfold, my level of exhilaration grew and grew! Then, the day before she was due to fly back, Chelsea told me there’d been a silly complication and she could use some “help”. While I don’t remember exactly what it was, I believe it had to do with something like the permits, tariffs, or taxes for the materials for jewelry she was bringing back. Long story short, Chelsea asked me for $1,000—which she’d pay me back as soon as she returned to the U.S. Honestly, she described it all in a way that was easy to believe.
That said, while to this point, my longing to find joy and fulfillment in another person had drowned out the warning signs—I finally realized Chelsea might not be who she appeared to be. If “she”, was even actually a she. Still, I am committed to believe the best about people. Not only is it a principal pillar of love. It’s an essential element for doing life together well. So, I kindly said I was super sorry for her troubles, regretfully couldn’t help her financially, believed she’d be able to figure it out, and still looked forward to our planned date.
I never heard from Chelsea again.
(From Inspiring Quotes)
Not long later, I saw “her” on the list of fraudulent accounts eHarmony had banned. A couple weeks after that, I noticed the same pictures with a different name recommended for me. In the end though, I am grateful for this experience.
As you might imagine, I was pretty angry about the whole deal. And I do not get angry, to a fault in some ways. The gift of my righteous indignation was that it opened my eyes to how:
Joy is an “inside job”.
This experience helped teach me that:
Looking for gladness, contentment, and fulfillment—and all the other elements of bliss—outside of yourself, is a fool’s errand. The only place you’ll find them in a real and lasting manner, is within you.
A beautiful thing about this Truth, is how universally it’s echoed. Psychology names it your True Self. Jesus calls it the Holy Spirit. Spirituality dubs it one’s soul. Buddhism says it’s your Buddha nature. St. Paul describes it as Christ within you. Yoga is all about tapping into this enlightened state. And on it goes!
Buddhist author Sebene Selassie—who was diagnosed with Stage 3 breast cancer when she was 34—describes what this looks like, and how we get “there”, thusly:
"Joy is accepting each moment for what it is without contention. We belong to any moment simply by meeting it with joy. This is freedom. Love is the ultimate expression of joy and freedom. Joy, freedom, and love could be considered synonyms for each other, and for belonging."
Radically accepting, embracing, and loving what is, in this moment, is what “plugs” us in to a freedom, wholeness, and love that transcends words. This is because: While joyousness is our inherent nature, we “kink” its flow, when we resist reality. Which takes us out of the actual moment we are in, and into the made-up world of how we wish things were. Reflect on it this way friend, how often do we dislike the way something is (like the weather, or who is president), what someone says or does, or that a person isn’t giving us joy?
I know I do quite a bit! Yet, when you really ponder it, isn’t it ridiculous how many things we dislike, which we literally have absolutely no ability to directly change? This has really been on my mind lately. And I’ve found, the more I let go of resisting how a person is, what they do, the truth of a situation, and so on, the more joyous I feel from the inside out. Would you like to join me?
Friend, I’m truly grateful for, and hope this post blessed you! What did it stir up in you? Did this shed light on anything in your life that you’d like to shift? How do you tap into joy? I can’t wait to hear from you in the comments! And please “like” 🤍, and consider sharing/restacking this post if it spoke to you.
Hugs & Love,
Lang (aka “Dr. Love”)