Friendship: The Wings We Travel with to Life’s Heights Part 2
A friend is someone who know the song in your heart, and can sing it back to you when you forget the words
Hello Beautiful Beings!
Friends lift you up. Cheer you on. Call you out. Walk with you. Hold your sorrows, fears, stresses, and frustrations; as well as joys, celebrations, and triumphs. Offer sage advice. Have your back. And do it all with loads of love!
My lowest points in life, turned out to be the experiences that taught me what matters most in life. When I was drowning in the depths of despair during the lengthy unfolding of my first divorce, it was friends who pulled my head above water. While I looked death in the eye—more than once—in a Las Vegas ICU in 2008, friends and family from near and far, rallied together to stand by my side and say: “Not today!” Losing my beloved and prestigious job in the air force, as a result of this, taught me there’s something far more important than status and wealth.
As a lifelong follower of Christ and Jesus lover, I can’t help but think he was onto something powerful and profound when he said: You must lose your life, to find it. These, and other, losses of what I “thought” was my life, have taught me what truly and deeply matters most: People, doing life together, love, and whatever name you put to the Mystery that creates and ties it/us all together.
Heaven is living in communion with others. Hell is disunion.
A Chinese parable paints a powerful picture of this, pointing out there’s one “small” difference between living in heaven, versus living in hell. In both, everyone is seated together at a banquet table with the best food imaginable. Only, all they have to feed themselves with are six-foot chopsticks. In hell, everyone is angry and starving, because there’s no way to feed yourself with utensils that long. But, in heaven, everyone is happy and healthy, because they’re feeding one another.
How, then, do we cultivate communion like this? What are the qualities of true friendship and community—which, inevitably leads to flourishing?
It’s vital to start this by saying: Every aspect of a thriving relationship, and heavenly life, is laden with, and soaked in love. And simply put, love is the giving of oneself for individual and communal flourishing.
Love is everything. It’s our origin, our purpose, and our destiny. Friendship is the playground in which we most fully practice this.
While I won’t go into how love is an energy in reality we can “plug into” and work with, like electromagnetism or gravity, I will point out that love is unending and limitless. Practically, this means, there is a bedrock of loyalty and commitment—which we can simultaneously lean into and choose—that upholds and sustains all great relationships. There’s a steadfastness and steadiness to friendships. This is vital, because whether it comes from differences between you and/or hard times in life, this attribute guides relationships through the troubled waters we all inevitably face.
(Scott and I camping)
I think here of my best friend, Scott. We are quite different politically, which, naturally, connects to other aspects of us. Yet, we choose to stay with one another by being curious, understanding, playful, nonjudgmental, and kind. Likewise, while his storm stories aren’t mine to share, I can talk about mine. During the devastation of my first divorce (please note, I say that with nothing but love, gratitude, and understanding to my ex, because the “devastation” was 100% about me and my world being turned upside-down), he flew across the country to lift my spirits and care for me. And, ironically, as my second marriage unraveled, while he was across the world in Singapore, Scott diligently made a point of setting aside time to schedule regular conversations with me. In these, he supported, challenged, encouraged, and loved me well!
A friend is someone who know the song in your heart, and can sing it back to you when you forget the words. – Paz Guerrero
Friends lean into one another—and their stories—with curiosity, understanding, playfulness, a spirit that is neither judgmental nor attached to specific responses/outcomes, and kindness. Although I could write a blog on each of these, I won’t. Though, I think it’s important to point out how quick we can be to judge other people/groups as wrong, bad, evil, etc., when we are all, truly, doing the best we can! In my experience, studies, and observation, I find Jesus’ warning not to judge because your judgments will judge you, to be spot on!
That said, I also want to note how essential playfulness is to flourishing relationally, and in general. It reminds us none of us are perfect. It adds a flavor of gladness, gratitude, and childlike joy to our differences and missteps.
Difference is another key component of friendships. We need people who are “other” than us, to help grow, teach, and inform us about the rainbow-like spectrum that is humanity. Leaning into this isn’t easy, but it is 1000% doable (please note how 1000% is WAY better than 100%. LOL). Black, white, brown, conservative, liberal, abled, disabled, religious, nonreligious, and so on; We all belong!
Humanity is full of difference and diversity. We’re a rainbow! And the more we surround ourselves with this, the more colorfully alive we become.
Embracing—literally and metaphorically—one another as we are, takes listening, compassion, celebration, vulnerability, honesty, and seeing the good. Scott has called me out on my “stuff,” and vice versa, but we’ve done it within the context of unending love, and with listening, compassion, and seeing the essential goodness in one another. That last part is SO important. The more we look for the good in one another, and ourselves, the more we simultaneously find it, anddraw it out of each other. I see this happen every day!
You know how certain events, worries, fears, circumstances, and such can drag us down? True friends and loving communities, create an upward spiral. Together, with intention and lots of love, we rise to ever-greater heights. We enjoy heaven on earth.
Please share your thoughts and experiences on friendship, what you’d add to its essential qualities, and such below! By the way, I’ve added several amazing exclusive benefits to the paid subscriptions.
Hugs & Love,
Lang (aka “Dr. Love”)
When I reflect on the times in my life that I feel the most content/happy/joyful, it’s those times I’ve shared with friends. Some
of those times are when I was at my lowest…yet felt “held” and cared for by others. This hit a home run in communicating what that looks like. Well stated.