Cultivating Calm Amidst the Chaos

In the face of life’s stresses and struggles, the more we breathe mindfully, practice presence, move the energies inside us, release expectations, trust, and lift one another up, the better things go.

When the storms in life hit, what keeps your head above water? What helps you stay calm and confident? Lisa and I are in the midst of a pretty chaotic stretch right now. Our current “norm” features things like living out of suitcases, learning new jobs, experiencing different cultures, and meeting lots of new people. While we’ve each had more than one meltdown during our European adventure (my wife’s job will have us bouncing between Scotland and Sicily for the next 3-5 years); I have to say, we’re handling being in foreign lands, absorbing new things, and being separated from our friends and family really well. Celebrating that, I ask myself: Why?

But first, a bit of comedic chaos that just happened to me. As I was alone, showering at the Airbnb we moved into this week, the smoke alarms started going off. The chorus of ear-piercing sounds was like some heavy metal rock concert gone horribly wrong. With water dripping off me, and a white towel wrapped around my waste, I spent what seemed like an eternity scurrying around the two-level house trying to figure out how to make the horrible noises stop—while also making sure nothing was actually on fire. The cacophony went on so long, I figured at any second a neighbor or firetruck would arrive, and I’d get to greet them in my towel. 🤣 Thankfully, after going up and down the stairs twice, I found the culprit—and a sweet silence settled over the place

Now, back to our regularly scheduled programming.

Lisa and I are able to cultivate calm amidst the chaos not because we’re particularly special, but because we lean into a few tools that are available to everyone. Well, she is pretty incredible, but you get my point. Six things keeping us centered and on course are: Breath, presence, venting, nonattachment, trust, and uplifting words.

People have long recognized the power of breath. Take, for instance, how ancient Hebrew, ancient Greek, and other languages use the same word for breath, spirit, and Spirit (Ruach and Pneuma respectively). They were naming how there is something divine about our inhales and exhales. But that’s not the only reason why I can truthfully declare:

Greater calm and confidence are never further than a mindful breath away.

I invite you to take a moment to get comfortable, and allow your eyes to close or soften. After you breathe out, slowly and smoothly breathe in deeply through your nose, as if you were breathing into the spot between your eyebrows. After a slight pause, let an equally slow and smooth exhale escape your lips. Perhaps even enjoy several breaths like this. And then notice how there is something about mindfully breathing that soothes your mind.

The effects can become even more pronounced when you pair it with words or images. For instance: Inhaling “calm and confidence” and exhaling “clutter and chaos”, or taking in “gladness” and letting out “grumpiness”. The possibilities are endless; and the impact is subtle, yet powerful.

Part of why purposefully breathing is so potent, is because it helps you be present. When you’re in the here and now, your past and its regrets are behind you, while your future and its worries are before you—and the present is where all the love, joy, peace, and the fullness of life is.

You see, akin to how when I can feel the chaos welling up inside of me, remembering to breathe it out greatly aids me; when Lisa and I are present with the sights, sounds, people, and “flavors” of what’s here and now—there simply is no turmoil.

Of course, a whole host of things easily take us out of being present. Some of which, are even part of the here and now! We’ve had quite a few frustrating experiences with roundabouts in the U.K., for instance. The weirdness of piloting them while driving on the lefthand side of the road, is quite a challenge. One which, several times, our navigation system made even worse. This is why venting is vital!

For the most part, instead of letting our frustrations eat us up, Lisa and I spit them out by joking or mock griping about the situation. And sometimes, we flat out vent to one another by giving voice to our irritations. As humans, all the “stuff” inside of us—worries, fears, hopes, dreams, annoyances, grievances, joys, etc.—is energy, and energy needs to move. When we do this in healthy and helpful ways, we flourish. When we don’t, we suffer. It really is that simple.

It's important to note here that talking it out isn’t the only way to move energy. Going for a walk, working out, journaling, singing, and dancing are each equally as beneficial. And just the “tip of the iceberg” of ways to release what’s within you.

Naturally, it’s even more efficient to not have the feeling of irritation, aggravation, frustration, or chaos in the first place. This is why practicing nonattachment is a real blessing. While I can’t say Lisa and I are great at this, we’ve certainly been growing this “muscle” lately.

Often, the root cause of why you and I get disappointed, stressed, or annoyed about something—or someone—is because we are attached to how we want things to go. But, when we let go of the story we’ve formed in our heads about a situation, realize most everything that happens is beyond our control, and radically accept and groove with what is—the practice of nonattachment—we don’t get disappointed, stressed, or annoyed in the first place!

This is where trust comes into play. In a real way, life is like the Choose Your Own Adventure books from my childhood. What I mean is: The way you choose to perceive reality, shapes your experience of it. Lisa and I trust life is beautiful, people are good, and the universe is on our side. And you know what? Our experiences predominately reflect this faith, and I don’t believe it’s a coincidence.

Even so, there are also moments that aren’t beautiful or good. There are times when the chaos is so loud, we can’t think straight. Some days, Lisa or I feel down or beaten up, and forget our faith. That’s why it’s vital to have people who speak life-giving words to you. People who encourage you. It’s why those who lift people up, are more precious than gold.

Dear reader, I hope this blesses you. In the face of stresses and struggles:

May we remember to breathe deeply, be present, move the energies inside of us, release expectations, trust life is beautiful, and lift one another up.

Hugs & Love,

Lang (aka “Dr. Love”)

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