Breathe First
My reaction to an event is—nearly always—not very kind, caring, or understanding. That’s why pausing before I speak or act is crucial. It lets love in.
Hi Beautiful Being!
This seemingly innocent looking space was the scene of a crime …
It was Friday the 5th of July, Lisa was home teleworking, and at 9am I was set to begin the first all-day intensive for my life coaching program. But first, I wanted to get a workout in—if you know me, you know that’s a high priority for me. Getting my sweat on keeps me sane, and feeling good in my body. “Honey, I’m going to get a Peloton ride in before I get ready for class,” I told my partner on my way to our bike.
“For some reason the internet isn’t working with my computer,” she responded, before adding: “Have a good workout!”
Our WIFI router is in the same room as our Peloton; so, on the way to the bike I unplugged it, counted to 20, and re-plugged it in to reset it. After telling Lisa what I’d done, I got settled in, picked the two rides I wanted to do, and proceeded to spin. Yet, although my first ride “started”, aside from the metrics, the screen was black. And there was no audio.
So, I reset the box again and restarted the ride. Only to have the same thing happen. Oh well, I thought to myself, at least it shows the cadence and resistance ranges the instructor is giving for the ride, so I’ll just do it that way.
Cue dramatic music.
With seven minutes left in my thirty-minute class (it may have been twelve, but I’m giving myself a little benefit of the doubt, LOL), Lisa walked in. “Babe, the internet still isn’t working. So, I can’t connect to the base and get any work done. I just unplug the box for a bit and plug it back in to reset it, right?” as she proceeded toward the router to do so.
“Wait!” I gasped. “I’ll do it in seven minutes, I’m almost done with my ride, so want to see it through and get credit.”
With a quick turn on her heels, and exasperated sigh, Lisa left and slammed the door.
Well, that didn’t really happen, but it sounds pretty cool—and I certainly would have deserved it! That said, as she closed the door—so roughly 10-seconds after my silly mouth opened to utter selfish words—I immediately regretted what I said. Deeply!
“Please come back, honey!” I yelled. “That was a stupid thing to say and I’m sorry!”
Lisa didn’t come back, because, as she later told me: “You can’t just undo what was said.”
You can’t just undo what was said. That’s pretty dang wise. Don’t you think?
My person is also kind. She didn’t even mention that I could have gotten my butt off the bike and reset the router myself! Note, I did … eventually. Sigh. That said, after another restart didn’t do the trick, I sent a message to our Sicilian internet guy. He let me know it was a widespread provider problem, and would be fixed by 930am. Side note: Whenever we talk to our Sicilian “guy” for X, Y, or Z; Lisa and I feel like we’re dealing with the good side of the Sicilian mafia. It’s a bit thrilling. But I digress.
Over the course of the day: I apologized profusely, Lisa explained to me how I hurt her and made her feel, and I told her how I would do better in the future. We repaired, and ended up better for the turmoil. Which leads me to what I learned from this, and am excited to share with y’all.
It was roughly ten—quite distracted—seconds between me speaking unkindness, and realizing what I’d done. What I’m saying is:
Love lives in the pause. While, our baggage is in our immediate, knee-jerk reaction. A loving response, then, comes when we take a moment—or longer—to stop, consider, and choose a kind response.
Do you know what I mean? In other words:
In our lives and day-to-day interactions: Magic lies in the interlude, while mayhem sits in the lack thereof.
Us humans are such an interesting phenomenon. We are simultaneously animals, and, something more. We are also consciousness, awareness, and lovingkindness. Now, I am not downgrading our animal nature. It is a gift. And, as with pretty much all of life, the flip side of our gifts are our curses. For instance, I’m enthusiastic by nature … which also means I’m biased toward gluttony.
What I’m saying is that our animal instinct is immediate and, largely, unconscious. And there is an essential goodness to this. It empowers us to flee from danger, fight what will harm us, “snuggle” those dear to us, go to great lengths to help someone who is hurting, and so much more. In short, our animal self helps us stay alive. But, for most all of our experiences—like my WIFI incident with Lisa—our lives are not on the line.
With that said. Until we train and tame them: Our animal instinct, as well as egoic impulse, will hijack what we say and do. I know that’s what I let happen. Can you relate?
In that regard, I don’t think it was an accident that a part of my three-day life coaching intensive that weekend, had us explore, name, and renovate the “rules” that guide and govern our lives. Initially I listed “breathe” as one of mine—because there is SO much power in a mindful breath. That said, as we reflected on and reinvented our beliefs that affect us—based on what happened—I decided to add a word, which makes it a mantra that will aid and guide me:
Breathe first.
In the face of most everything, choosing to breathe first helps us pause and step back from the situation. It allows the “dust” to settle, giving us a clearer picture of things, which gives you and I a chance to consciously choose love, kindness, compassion, curiosity, and so on.
In writing that, something occurred to me. A twist on the mantra that sums everything up. I invite you and I to:
First, breathe love.
What do you think?
Before you go, beloved reader: If you enjoyed this, please click the “like” button 🤍 and subscribe, as kindness is happiness. Also, your thoughts matter—so, we’d love to hear from you in the comments! And, if you know anyone this could bless or benefit, please consider sharing this offering with them. Finally: YOU are amazing, and I hope you have a beautiful day!
Hugs & Love,
Lang (aka “Dr. Love”)